Not all research [[Kaine]]

[adifferentlife]

The library has turned into a wonderful resource for Sybil. Always an avid reader, she's discovered the books there are the best way to catch up on all that has happened in the years since her own time and the time most people in Darrow are from. Her choices that day aren't all for research, copies of the first two Anne of Green Gables books, A Princess of Mars (which had a rather scandalous cover), and The Primrose Ring. All books of her own time and all for comfort, to help offset the history books she has piled up on a table.

Her true delight was discovering that the library has phonograph records. She looks through the titles recognising so few. Finally she pulls out Gershwin and Billie Holiday almost at random. American composers and an American singer. It suits, she thinks, with all the Americans here.

Content with her finds, she settles back in at the out of the way table she's picked, determined to skim through the 1940s and 1950s before the library shuts.

Comments

[badtotheclone]

"Trust me, I know all about choosing to live being the harder choice."

So many times I should have ended it all. So many lives would have been saved if I did, but I could never do it. It wasn't even out of a sense of self preservation, it was because deep down I was too afraid to do it. Half the crazy stuff I did was in the hopes that someone would finally put me out of my misery.

[adifferentlife]

It's hard to hear that, hard to think of Henry and how he took his own life unable to bear going back to his old one. It's then that she realises that she's come to care about Kaine in some way, for all they don't know each other well. Losing his friendship and presence would make her terribly sad, moreso if it was because he hadn't the strength to go on.

"You'll tell me, won't you?" Sybil isn't quite sure how to say what she wants, "If things seem too difficult?"

[badtotheclone]

"I'm not going to kill myself!" I growl, frustrated that I can't convey what I want to. If I could tell her more about myself, I could explain it better but then I'd lose a friend. But how can I explain that I've died before and did not enjoy it at all?

"Sorry, I... thank you for worrying but if I haven't killed myself by now it's not going to happen. I- maybe some day I'll explain."

[adifferentlife]

That she's misread him is clear, stepping back from him with confusion and concern in her eyes. "Maybe someday then."

[badtotheclone]

Great, now I've upset her. This is why I shouldn't talk to people, because they care about me and I hurt or upset them without meaning to. She'd be better off away from me.

"Don't- Look, I'm sorry. Just forget it, I- I'm not good with people."

[adifferentlife]

Sybil's sense of propriety is truly engrained, and won't allow Kaine to claim this as his own fault. "Don't be. I said too much. It isn't my place."

Still, she must try to salvage the situation somewhat. "Thank you for walking me home. It's kind of you."

[badtotheclone]

"I don't mind you asking I just- I won't answer a lot of things."

I should just tell her she's right, it's not her place and she should just leave me alone. I'm pretty sure that would be useless though or even worse just make her more determined.

"And you're welcome. I'll walk you home whenever you want."

[adifferentlife]

"I shouldn't pry," Sybil is quick to assure him, imagining the scandalised tone Mary would have taken if she'd heard some of Sybil's questioning. Never mind her mother or father. "You've no need to tell me everything. I'm not your confessor."

Sybil nods, pulling her books to her chest. "Thank you," she repeats, unsure if he has made the offer out of politeness or because he means it. "I should go, I work early tomorrow."

[badtotheclone]

"You're not. We're friends. You're allowed to ask about me."

I actually wasn't sure about that. I probably wouldn't pry into someone's life like that but Sybil had good intentions, I can tell. Maybe someday I'd tell her about part of my life, at least how it started. Some of the things in between... those were better left out.

"And I mean it. Don't let me find out you've been walking around by yourself too much," I said, trying to give her a smile to show I was joking. Mostly. I imagine the smile didn't look all that natural or convincing.

[adifferentlife]

Sybil leaves the first alone, knowing she has pushed too far today. "Next you'll have me chaperoned everywhere. Worse than my father, I believe."

It is said with a smile and a teasing note in her tone. "I finish work most days at four if you are that concerned."

[badtotheclone]

"I'll keep that in mind," I say.

I wonder if she's just joking or if she wouldn't mind if I showed up. It's not like I've got a busy schedule or anything like that and unless I'm in the middle of stopping a crime or something I can probably make it. Maybe showing up every day might get a bit weird but nothing says I can't do it every once in a while.

[adifferentlife]

"Do," she smiles at him, feeling terribly daring before turning to head into her building. Sybil pauses at the door to wave, hoping that he doesn't see the flush of her cheeks as she ducks inside.