adifferentlife | Not all research [[Kaine]]

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Not all research [[Kaine]]

The library has turned into a wonderful resource for Sybil. Always an avid reader, she's discovered the books there are the best way to catch up on all that has happened in the years since her own time and the time most people in Darrow are from. Her choices that day aren't all for research, copies of the first two Anne of Green Gables books, A Princess of Mars (which had a rather scandalous cover), and The Primrose Ring. All books of her own time and all for comfort, to help offset the history books she has piled up on a table.

Her true delight was discovering that the library has phonograph records. She looks through the titles recognising so few. Finally she pulls out Gershwin and Billie Holiday almost at random. American composers and an American singer. It suits, she thinks, with all the Americans here.

Content with her finds, she settles back in at the out of the way table she's picked, determined to skim through the 1940s and 1950s before the library shuts.

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"I think you made good choices."

I also know absolutely nothing about music, but I at least recognize the names so I figure that's a good sign. Plus, I imagine she has pretty good taste in general.

"Things that are really good and not just fads stand the test of time."

She's pleased by his assessment, strangely so. The approval of those outside of her family or work never meant much to her, but with so much in flux here perhaps the approval of a friend has risen in importance.

"Do you know I'm reading about the 1950s now. Past the war," who's existence saddens her deeply but she cannot express why to anyone, not and have them understand. "How different it seems it was in Britain and America at the time. So much rebuilding and lost at home."

That sort of change is hard for me to remember. I don't have any "when I was a kid" memories to go by to think about how the world has changed. I know it's not the same as when I was first created, but it seems that I've changed more than the rest of the world.

I can't imagine how jarring the change is for Sybil. You think the world is one way and the next day you find that it's all changed.

"Been making your way through history?" I ask. It seems like a smart thing to do. "What's the best change you've seen?"

"Women having the vote," she says it without hesitation, excited still that it came to England only a year or so after her departure. "The fact that our rights are more established, that we no longer need to depend on our husbands for things."

To think, a decade later and it could have been Mary inheriting Downton. How quickly things changed. "But the fight starts all over again, doesn't it? In America?"

She turns the book to face him, an overview of segregation. She's never thought of this, never so much as met a coloured person though she has caught sight of a few in London. "It seems unfair that anyone should be unable to represent themselves."

"Weird to think that's something you had to fight for."

I'm guessing there's a lot of things I would take for granted that would have seemed hard fought for her. To me, women voting seems like it would be ridiculous not to have. Even in the modern world they have to fight for equality and that's stupid.

"Or we're still fighting for it. Ignorance takes too long to correct."

"I often wondered what would happen after the war. Would society change so much?" She meant her own level of society and her life. "Our classes depended on those willing to serve us and it seems such a waste. Who needs a half-dozen maids in one house? All that empty space and so many wounded and hungry, unable to find work. It's sad."

"Doesn't change too much."

Maybe it's because I'm not from that time or place, but I don't exactly see a lot of differences. Poor people still work for rich people and are treated like shit by them. Not that her family necessarily treated the maids poorly.

"Sure the poor have more rights and opportunities, but if you didn't employ those maids, what would they do for a job?"

"Hmmm," it is a point and something she's argued with both Branson and her sisters. Those arguments never turned out the same way, and rarely had Sybil been on the same side even. "There is no easy answer, is there? I can only think that they shouldn't have to work the hours and live at our whims."

"They shouldn't be considered lesser people for it at least."

Social justice wasn't really something I ever got involved in. You'd think being a clone I'd be very concerned about what my rights were, but I knew better than anyone what I was and what I deserved.

"And just when you think you've got some of the answers figured out, something new comes along that confuses things."

"It is never simple. I think-" she frowns, pursing her lips as she considers what to say, "I think that is what my father tried to impart when we discussed these things. Not that I agree with him all the time, but I start to see some of his points."

It wasn't the easiest of admissions, making her miss her family that much more. She pushes away the history books, done with her reading of real world events for the evening. "Would you-" She pauses again before continuing, wondering what has made her so forward. Loneliness, she thinks, she doesn't want to be apart from the few people she knows quite would. "Would you care to walk me home?"

Sometimes I wonder what Sybil is thinking during those pauses. There's probably some sort of social boundary she's crossing by even talking to me, a Lady talking with just a common person. I don't think she thinks she's superior, but I imagine that social boundaries are hard to cross even when you know they shouldn't be there.

"Sure, not a problem," I say. It's what I do, right? Watch over people and protect them so it's the least I can do for a friend, or someone who is at least friendly to me.

"Thank you," she means it, relieved to not be alone quite yet and wanting conversation. Her books and records she piles into a bag, having already checked them out when she found them.

"Do you ever wonder why us?" It may be out of the blue, but it's a question that has started to eat away at Sybil. "Why were were the ones who've come here?"

"When I first came, I thought it was... maybe because of something I'd done."

Putting on a costume and running around helping people generally seemed to be a magnet for weird shit. It was easy to see though that wasn't the case for everyone. Unless Sybil had one hell of a secret identity, I doubted that she was a superhero. Besides, the only other superhero I'd met couldn't have been Sybil.

"But I don't think that's it anymore. If the people have something in common, I haven't noticed it."

"I wish that we did." Her observations had been much of the same. Trying for patterns and finding none. Sybil had hoped that maybe someone else had seen patterns she could not. "If there was some purpose or meaning to this, something that wasn't simply so random."

"Maybe if it's random, it will be easier to get back," I say.

If someone wanted me in particular here, they'd probably fight harder to keep me here. If it was random, maybe I could find a way out or get sent back just like I had arrived here. Just walking along and suddenly I'd be back in Houston.

"Are you... do you want to get back badly?"

"I miss my family. My work. I am learning a great deal here, but my work there had more purpose." It is a hard question, becoming harder every day she spends in this place. "My sisters- I cannot remember being apart from them for so long before this."

"But I have friends here."

I miss people back home too, which is new for me. Aracely, Annabelle, Layton and Medland, all of them people I've formed some sort of bond with. I'm not sure if I like it or not. It's too foreign for me to completely be okay with it. I miss them, but I don't dwell on it.

"What are your sisters like?"

"They're my sisters," she smiles, shy for a moment as she looks up to Kaine whilst they walk. "They're hard to explain. Mary... She's the eldest. She can also be the cruelest at times, used to winning I suppose. But she's kind inside, she's kind and loving she just keeps up a wall. Edith... Edith is thoughtful, and never nearly as good at things as Mary, except she always competed in Mary's games. Her smile is the loveliest thing, she shines when she is in her element."

I wonder what it's like to have family like that, that you can talk about with the sound of affection in your voice. My own little family is so complicated it's ridiculous and I doubt my only living "relative" would even consider me when it came time to work out the family tree.

Sybil is lucky, but something tells me that she knows it. Even though she's, presumably, ridiculously well off she seems to not take things for granted.

"I'd like to meet them sometime. Ah, except that means they'd be stuck here. Which would be bad."

"If you could meet them, if we could go there I would take you." Sybil says it intently, thinking she would offer the same to Lucy or Katie. Kaine, though, might be harder to explain to her parents, but she is sure she could manage. "They can be difficult sometimes, but I love them very much. What about you? You never talk of your family."

"I- "

I what? I sort of had a father? I sort of had a brother and still do sort of have one? What about Spidercide or any of the other clones? No, I don't think she wants or needs to hear all of that.

"No, I don't. Yours sounds nice though."

"You have no family?" It's a question, her eyes filled with concern and with curiosity. Sybil stops them, her fingers light on his arm as she turns to face him. "Did you lose them?"

Her touch feels odd to me. Light, gentle touch is still something I'm not used to at all.

"No, I don't have family."

I don't know how I'd explain it to her. I don't know if I want to. How would she react to finding out I was grown in a lab? Not only that, but I'm a clone of someone else. She's kind, but I'm a freak.

"An orphan," she nods as if that explains it entirely. It's the only other option as far as she can see, at least the only one that makes sense in her own world, a world that is how to escape. "That must be difficult."

"It's all I know."

I figure letting her think I'm an orphan is the best way to go. It's a lie, but it will be the easiest way for her to understand it. I can tell myself it's for her sake I avoid the truth.

"And complaining about it doesn't change it."

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